Friday, June 14, 2013

An Excerpt

It's Friday, my stomach is being strange, I'm humming "When I Grow Up" from Matilda the Musical, I want to curl up and continue on with Birdsong (I'm at the beginning of the Battle of the Somme), but I want to write a little more.

So that's me.

My WIP's current stats:
Words: 67, 526
Pages: 238
Chapters: 24

This is a scene from my WIP. This is from page 30:

In their bedroom, Miles stripped off his riding coat and waistcoat. Delphine perched on the bed.
"So, everything in order?"
He went into the dressing room, opening a wardrobe. "'Twas." He selected a new waistcoat and slipped it on.
"There was a note from Taylor delivered around two-thirty."
Miles paused in his perusal of his wardrobe. His chest felt a little tight. "Do you have it?"
            "Here," Delphine said, standing and walking to him, holding out a square of paper. Miles asked Delphine to retrieve his discarded coat, which she did. Miles found his penknife in an inner pocket and slashed through the seal. Delphine stepped into the dressing room with him and hung the coat on the clotheshorse, hands spread over the material, waiting.
Miles read the note aloud: "'My overseer came to me this morning with news that Lamia has run. I expect that you will do your utmost to find her, but in the event that tracing Lamia becomes impossible, I will withdraw my request to manumit her. I would certainly appreciate the time to converse with you about Lamia and my son. Yours, Taylor.'"
Delphine exhaled in a whoosh. "Well, he hasn't demanded a duel then."
He flicked his eyes to his wife's face. "Oh, Del. You didn't actually expect him to?"
"Wasn't sure what to think," she said, lifting her hands away from his coat, leaning against the tub. "You white men and your bloody duels and your uptight sense of honor." As if owning a hundred captive humans was honorable, Miles could hear Delphine finish her thought.
"Sweetheart," Miles said. He went to his wife, embraced her. "Suppose I'll write him, see him tomorrow, if he's amenable."
            "But you haven't done anything to track her, have you?"
            "I'll speak to Fraser about that," Miles muttered. Delphine's head was under his chin. "Pearl did your hair today?"
            "Yes."
"Pretty."
A tiny puff of air from her mouth blew across his neck. "You always say that."
"Because it's true. Now, do I stink of horse?"
            "Yes."
"Yet you're not complaining."
"I wanted to be sure you weren't going to be dying by duel in the immediate future." She pulled away. "And now that I'm reasonably assured of that, I'll ring for washing water."

4 comments:

  1. I like the language. ^_^ Reminds me of all the historical romance novels I used to read. I've always wanted to try writing a historical. I don't quite have the patience to do the research necessary to make it sound authentic like this.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Krystal. I do worry if it sounds authentic-ish...I don't want to go full 18th century, but give a flavor of it, maybe? I still think I rely a bit too much on dialogue and want to improve my use of description.

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  2. Hi, Sunflower. I'm Michael, a member of AW, and I thought I'd have a peek at your blog. I like what I see so far.

    Your dialogue definitely *is* effective, and they are some very interesting ideas emerging in this excerpt. I agree that description could improve the passage, but I still say *well* done. I hope to see more in the future.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Michael! I realized that I hadn't actually posted any of the WIP up in ages--at least, not since the first draft. I decided to expand the beginning of the story in this draft and this is part of the fifty-odd pages of new stuff. Even my beta hasn't seen this.

      I like writing dialogue and I think I do it well. But, well, it's a novel, not a play, so better round it in a little bit.

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Thank you so much for your comments and thoughts. Check back soon. I reply to all comments. Happy reading!